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Jul. 2nd, 2019 01:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eafmI'm restless, these days. I've wrapped up so much of my old stuff -- healing and recovering from having pushed myself past the breaking point, both physically and emotionally; helping Sarah wrap up their homeschool journey; my own weekly, monthly, and annual rhythms that were tied to Sarah's homeschooling activities and our homeschool community; the high priority household tasks that were way overdue and needed to be powered through... But I'm not quite ready to move forward into new stuff.
Some of it's just timing. This is a weird week because of Dexcon; I have a few medical followups I still have to deal with before I can place my attention fully on what's ahead of me; there are still a few household projects that resisting easy execution; there are family plans that need to slot into place for the summer before I can make any additional plans of my own.
Some of it is physical/energetic/psychological. I still have trouble focusing on one thing at a time, especially when that one thing is reading. That could be a lingering symptom of the anxiety (which is otherwise mostly under control), could be genetic (my dad has trouble sitting still or doing just one thing at a time), could be a leftover habit from when the anxiety was worse, or one of those habits that are just part of our multitasking society. I'm also having trouble choosing which things to move forward with -- or which ones to move forward with *first*. Community, activism, self-expression, adventure, professional development... There's so much to choose from, and each one has its draws, and its drawbacks.
I also feel strongly that I don't want to give this time short shrift. I want to really experience this divine discontent before stepping out onto any particular path.
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In more prosaic news: the wedding we attended this weekend was lovely --so perfectly in character for the couple -- and it was so good to see so many friends. I loved finally having a chance to wear my floral dress. Bits of it were awkward -- it's rare for me to just write someone off, so I was pretty stressed at the prospect of having to tell an old friend to sod off, but I was able to avoid it entirely. And for the most part it was just a really pleasant day.
Yesterday we had the tree guys here to trim the tree that's been having problems and I got the ultrasound I've been waiting for (ruling stuff out --no news yet, but I'm not especially concerned).
Today and tomorrow I have about a dozen time sensitive tasks to complete, and then we're off for Dexcon.
Some of it's just timing. This is a weird week because of Dexcon; I have a few medical followups I still have to deal with before I can place my attention fully on what's ahead of me; there are still a few household projects that resisting easy execution; there are family plans that need to slot into place for the summer before I can make any additional plans of my own.
Some of it is physical/energetic/psychological. I still have trouble focusing on one thing at a time, especially when that one thing is reading. That could be a lingering symptom of the anxiety (which is otherwise mostly under control), could be genetic (my dad has trouble sitting still or doing just one thing at a time), could be a leftover habit from when the anxiety was worse, or one of those habits that are just part of our multitasking society. I'm also having trouble choosing which things to move forward with -- or which ones to move forward with *first*. Community, activism, self-expression, adventure, professional development... There's so much to choose from, and each one has its draws, and its drawbacks.
I also feel strongly that I don't want to give this time short shrift. I want to really experience this divine discontent before stepping out onto any particular path.
--------------
In more prosaic news: the wedding we attended this weekend was lovely --so perfectly in character for the couple -- and it was so good to see so many friends. I loved finally having a chance to wear my floral dress. Bits of it were awkward -- it's rare for me to just write someone off, so I was pretty stressed at the prospect of having to tell an old friend to sod off, but I was able to avoid it entirely. And for the most part it was just a really pleasant day.
Yesterday we had the tree guys here to trim the tree that's been having problems and I got the ultrasound I've been waiting for (ruling stuff out --no news yet, but I'm not especially concerned).
Today and tomorrow I have about a dozen time sensitive tasks to complete, and then we're off for Dexcon.
